# Car 54

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© 2005 / revised 2014
K Pelle

### Chapter 41:
Use Left Lane for Main Route

I won't go into the detail of what followed, but the mortgage on the McAdam home was life insured, so the girls had a place to live. On top of that, both Sam and Ann had life insurance policies. A specific sum wasn't mentioned at the time, but Mr. Ambrose assured the girls that they wouldn't need to find jobs in the near future. He also told them that if they wanted to get educations, their educational fees could easily be covered as well.

I know it was hard hearted of me, but I felt relieved and actually thought that the girls were a thousand percent better off now than they had been when their parents were alive. During the discussion, I was holding Sandy's hand and Mom had one arm around each of the twins. I'm not sure how the twins took things, but Sandy was squeezing my hand so hard it hurt.

While Mr. Ambrose was still there, he asked Sandy if she wanted anyone to be designated as her agent while she was in the hospital. She indicated that she wanted Mom and me to do that if we would. I don't know about Mom, but I didn't feel that I could turn her down.

I stayed with Sandy as long as I could, but Mom, Dad and I had to get to the bank. From the time I left the hospital with them until I came back to see Sandy later that evening, the day passed in a blur. In that time, we'd gone to the bank and had signed several papers giving me control of Mile High Ranch's operating funds, but I'd had to assume responsibility for its debts as well. At least the debts weren't overwhelming and I'd known about them beforehand since Mom handled the books for Grampa Bender as well as those of our farm.

Then we'd had a short break for lunch with Uncle Tom, Aunt Alice and Wil. Afterward we'd gone to the funeral parlour and again met Mr. Ambrose who explained the McAdams' wishes about burial.

After the arrangements for the funeral were done, Dad, Uncle Tom and Wil went with me as we walked around to the various businesses that Grampa Bender had dealt with. At each one, we talked to the owner or manager, explaining that Grampa Bender had asked me to take over management of Mile High Ranch, so from now on I'd be doing the purchasing and paying the bills. In some ways that tour of our local business connections was a very heady experience for me, in other regards that circuit of the main businesses in the town was a very sobering one. It was as we walked from one business to another that my new situation really sank in. I had control of hundreds of thousands of dollars in capital and assets. Not only that, but I also realized that if I wasn't careful, I could lose a tremendous amount of money by making poor decisions.

I was almost overwhelmed by the time we took a break, going to the Chinese cafeteria for a cup of coffee and a chat. In some ways I felt like I'd been run over and abandoned to suffer, but Dad and Uncle Tom were doing their best to make me relax. Surprisingly, it was Wil that managed to relieve my tensions the most.

"Chris, I know just how you feel," he grinned at me. "Maybe not quite, because you've got the whole damn ranch and all its assets on your mind, but I was thrown to the wolves the day after I turned eighteen."

"Thrown to the wolves?"

"Yeah, these two took me around to all the same places that day and gave me full signing authority on all the farm accounts for the lower lease. Mostly, I try to keep a low profile and only buy things that we need, but I got stubborn once."

"Oh, your truck?" I grinned.

"Yep," he nodded his head and laughed uneasily. "Dad said it was a bad deal and tried to talk me out of it, but I was stubborn. You know what happened. The damn thing busted at the worst possible time, so Corinna and I got into hot water. Of course I made a couple of other bad decisions to put us there, but that's beside the point. What I was trying to tell you, was that although my choices weren't the best, the whole family backed me up. Then when I needed it, everyone helped me out of the hole I'd dug for myself. They'll do exactly the same thing for you."

Somehow what he said sank in far more than either Dad or Uncle Tom's assurances had. Along with the relief of the tension, I still felt the weight of responsibility, just not as heavily as before.

None of them even mentioned that subject after that, almost as if they were letting me settle down and handle things on my own. Instead we discussed the McAdam girls and their situation. No matter what happened, our family was effectively larger by four members and we were uncertain exactly what would play out. Because of my involvement with Sandy, they kept turning to me for my opinion, but I had to admit that I was as much in the dark as they were. All I could really tell them was that Sandy and the twins had no love for the Mormon version of polygamy or the lifestyle that went along with it.

Since we were in a public place, no one mentioned the connection between Carissa and Jackie, but I know it was in the back of their minds, and I knew that I was going to get asked about it in the future. Right then I decided that it wasn't my business and that I planned to answer any questions in as vague a manner as I could manage. I reasoned that I wasn't positive about anything and I decided not to tell tales or to speculate. In fact, I felt slightly guilty about what I'd said before to Mom and Dad.

Then Dad completely astounded me. "You know, Chris, it might be an idea if you considered running in a septic system up at the cabin this year."

"What?" I stared at him.

"Well, the way you seem to attract the girls to the ranch, I think an indoor bathroom up at the cabin might be called for, don't you think?" Dad grinned as he teased me. "After all, it wouldn't cost that much and it would certainly be easier on anyone looking after the place in the winter. While we were down at Borden's Equipment, I happened to overhear Charlie Engels saying that he was short of work for his backhoes. I'll bet we could have him there to dig any trenches that we'd need inside of a week."

"But where would I put a bathroom?"

"In that old back porch, where else? Of course you'd have to beef up those temporary walls and while you were at it, you could add another bedroom to the back of the cabin."

"But, it's a log cabin, how do you add onto a log cabin?"

"Well, I'd ask an expert," Uncle Tom smiled. "Jason Dumfries had a huge log cabin built just last year. We could ask him who he hired to do the job."

"But what would Grampa Bender think of us building onto the cabin?"

"Since the first thing you want to do is put in a bathroom, I think he'd be tickled pink," Dad laughed and reached out to drain his coffee cup. "Don't you remember that dang bucket Toby had in the back porch, the one he used every winter?"

"But how about the cost?"

"You can certainly afford it this year. You should ask your mother about how much money you've made on the ranch since you moved up there. You sold more than three times as much hay as normal and, on top of everything else, since this was a poor year for hay production all over the province, you got high prices for it," Dad shook his head and grinned. "So far this year you've added almost twice as much money to the general accounts as you've spent and almost all your bills are paid. That increase in funds even includes deducting the cost of the stock you bought."

All I could do was stare at him in astonishment.

"Chris, why do you think Toby wants you to have control of the ranch? He was impressed by what you've done with the place and so are we. Mile High Ranch has never looked better. You've made money hand over fist in the last two months. You've handled yourself well in all cases. You've helped out a lot of people. You've even taken the time to relax and to race that stockcar of yours. Your mother and I are proud as punch about what you've done," Dad reached out and grabbed my hand. "So, are we going to build you a bathroom, or not?"

"Uh, I guess so," I managed to mumble, then I grinned. "It probably would be nice not to have to run outside in my skivvies every morning."

That statement brought grins and laughter.

In the next few minutes we split up and headed off in different directions. Wil wanted to talk to the RCMP about what had happened in Calgary since he'd been along with the police when they'd talked to Sam McAdam's brother. Dad was going to go talk to Charlie Engels about the trenching we'd need for the septic system and the footings for the addition to the cabin. Uncle Tom was going to try to contact Jason Dumfries. Meanwhile, I was heading back to the hospital to see Sandy and Lucille.

When I left that café I felt a lot better than I had when I walked in.

When I got back to the hospital, Sandy wasn't in her room, and since I had no idea if Lucille was even in the hospital, instead of looking for them, I decided to visit Grampa Bender for a while. For one thing, I wanted to talk to him about adding onto the cabin. Still, when I got to Grampa Bender's room, I wasn't really surprised to find that both girls were visiting him. Lucille was again in the chair by his bedside and Sandy was sitting in a wheelchair.

"Well, good afternoon everyone," I smiled as I came in the door.

"Hi Chris," Sandy smiled, almost shyly. "We were just talking about you."

"Oh, oh," I grinned at her, then leaned down to hug her gently. "Do I get shot and put out of my misery now or are you planning to wait until later?"

"Oh, I think we'll let you live," Lucille piped up.

"I dunno why, but these gals has got a higher opinion of ya then I do," Grampa Bender grinned and winked at me.

"Do you mean I'm not in trouble?" I winked back.

"Not yet, but since ya bin out runnin' 'round town, whatta ya done now? Rescued anybody else?"

"No, no rescues, just business and a few decisions," I sobered and looked directly into his eyes. "Grampa Bender, Would you mind if I change the cabin a little?"

"Now, I don't see why not. I suppose you want to add onto it do ya?"

"Kinda. Dad and Uncle Tom got talking to Wil and me. They're like me. They'd like to have a good reason to throw away that old bucket you kept in the back porch."

"Ya mean my squat can?" he laughed and slapped the covers of the bed with his hand. "I'da thought Beth or some other gal woulda insisted ya tossed thet thing months ago."

"Oh, it's outside, washed out and hanging on a fence post, but Dad wants to run over that bucket with the tractor and bury it somewhere," I grinned as I perched my butt on the edge of his bed.

Sandy and Grampa Bender both smiled and chortled at that, but Lucille looked puzzled, so I explained what Grampa Bender's 'squat can' was used for. We all got a chuckle from the expression on her face and the way her nose wrinkled. After teasing her a bit, we got down to more serious discussion about what we thought we could do to improve the cabin and how we planned on doing it. Since we knew that the whole useable portion of Mile High Ranch had been a lake at one time, I was slightly worried about having a septic system, but Grampa Bender wasn't.

"Naw, thet whole ranch looks dead level, but it ain't. There's a degree er two o' slope ta the whole place from one end t' the t'other, so as long as you go acrost the driveway, and run the seepage drains down towards the bottom end of the valley, y'll be fine," he declared as he smiled. "Being as close to the crick as thet cabin is, ya only got 'bout ten feet o' ground afore ya hit ground water, but that's easy 'nough below frost level in t'winter. I knew all thet and I been meanin' t' put in a flush toilet fer donkey's years, I jus' never got round to doin' it, an' most o' the year, I like goin' outside anyhow."

"Yeah, but in the wintertime, it's not so pleasant," I nodded.

"That's the pure truth," Gramps Bender nodded. "I'd suggest thet when ya do add onto the cabin ya build onto the back porch end and maybe build up some too, like 'nother level. They was days in the winter when yer Granny was still alive that it'da been nice t' have more room so's we coulda been apart more. Two folks in that lil' place was sorta crowded at times. Sides, if'n ya had a bedroom on the top floor, yu'd have a nice view n' that'd help make it seem even bigger too."

I must have frowned, because he smiled.

"You ain't been there in the winter yet. Wait til you're there once t' roads sock in with three or four feet o' snow and you know you aint got no place to go, but th' outhouse er the barn, an e'en then ya gotta use one hand onna snow-rope. That's when yu'll see what I mean 'bout t' cabin seemin' ta shrink ta t' size o' a post'l stamp. Besides that I dun seed this year's books on t' place. Yer certinly able to pay fer a decent sized place, so don't skimp on size when yer buildin' on. At yer age ya better count on havin' a bunch o' younguns and thet means yer gonna need rooms fer 'em ta sleep in."

That brought a giggle from both girls and a flush to my face, but I decided to just grin and bear Grampa Bender's teasing without making any comments.

Our discussion carried on for a while and I got several ideas about adding onto the cabin, but it wasn't long before Grampa Bender began to show how tired he'd become from his long day. Sandy and Lucille promised to drop back to see him the next day, while I told him I'd try to get by on Monday, then I followed the girls back to Sandy's room. They asked me to wait in the hallway for a moment, but just until Sandy got back into bed. However, I didn't have to wait long before Lucille came to get me.

That's when I learned that Lucille had applied for a transfer to the local hospital. She'd already taken holidays from her job in Calgary to stay for a few days. Since she seemed to be getting along well with Sandy, and could even stay in the McAdam house if she needed to, Sandy was all for it. They'd even talked it over with Mom and Aunt Alice earlier. In fact Mom, Aunt Alice, Lucille and the McAdam twins had gone over to the McAdam house with the lawyer at the same time as Uncle Tom, Dad, Wil and I had been downtown.

Unfortunately, talking about that visit to her family's house caused Sandy to become extremely emotional.

I wasn't really surprised; after all, she'd just lost her parents and her whole future had changed in the last few days. I sat on the edge of her bed and cuddled her as she sobbed, but was surprised when Lucille left the room and came back with a nurse, who gave Sandy a shot. After the injection had calmed her and Sandy had fallen asleep, Lucille and I went for a walk.

"Why did you have Sandy sedated?" I asked rather shortly. "I thought it was better for someone to cry out their grief."

"Normally it would be, but in the accident she was thrown around violently. Sandy has bruised ribs and some minor internal injuries. Normally we wouldn't worry about them much, but the way she was carrying on we wouldn't want her to injure herself by crying too hard or she could defeat the healing that's already taking place," Lucille said firmly.

"Nobody said anything about those injuries before," I said accusingly.

"That's probably because almost all patients who've been in violent accidents have minor injuries that can only be treated by rest," Lucille sighed. "I'm sorry, but that sort of thing is so common that hospital staff take it for granted. Sometimes we simply forget to mention it to the friends and family of the victim."

"So if something like that is mentioned the way Carissa's injuries were, then I suppose the injury was quite serious?"

"Yes," she nodded slowly. "Also you have to remember that Carissa's mother asked the doctor about her. In Sandy's case, the questions were asked of a nurse and by a very youthful relative. That would have made a big difference in the type of response that was given."

"Well, thanks for explaining it to me."

"No problem, but it's going to cost you," she smiled. "I want to see your ranch and since Sandy won't awaken until late tonight or else tomorrow, this might be a good time to do it. Uncle Toby told me a lot about the place and Sandy filled in even more, but I've never been there. Besides, don't you have chores to do yet this evening?"

"Well yes, but ..."

"Hey, Sandy told me you have a roll-away bed and I can even cook," she laughed at me. "Besides, your mother asked me to get you alone and talk to you about the pressures you've been under. I know what you're going through and right now it probably seems that everyone is throwing more problems at you every day, so I might be able to help you handle those feelings."

"What?" I spun and stared at her.

"Chris, I'm a professional nurse, but over and above that I'm trained in trauma recovery. I'll be honest, I'm not certain I can help, but I'm a neutral party, even if I am still part of your family. I've been trained to be very good at listening."

I simply sighed and kept walking, but I was thinking deeply as I walked. After a few moments I stopped and turned toward her.

"Okay, I'll take you out to the ranch for this evening, but I don't want to dump all my concerns onto you, so you can forget that. We'd best leave word with the nurses that we'll be back to see Sandy tomorrow though."

We'd begun to walk back toward the hospital, but also the parking lot and my car before she spoke again.

"The nursing staff already knows that we were leaving, and they have your phone number. I assumed I could talk you into letting me at least visit you. Whether you speak about your troubles to me is a totally different scenario. I don't want to put you under any kind of pressure to do that," she smiled. "I've already discovered that just being with you is a pleasure in itself."

"I don't understand."

"Oh," she laughed almost embarrassedly, then sighed. "Life is a lot different here than it was in Calgary. When I was at home, Father was constantly harping about making money and making deals. When I moved out and rented an apartment, he was offended because he felt I was wasting money on rent and more education than he thinks I need. Father is a chauvinist from the old school and doesn't believe that women should work outside of the home."

"So he wants you to be an old maid?" I grinned as I opened the car door for her.

"Oh no," she laughed. "He's as bad as Sandy's folks were on that point. He wants me to marry someone with money and influence. Since I'm involved in nursing I think he expects me to marry a doctor. Unfortunately, any of the doctors that I've met aren't good husband material. They're all either too involved with themselves, or else too involved with their work to make good husbands. Besides, I'm not all that interested in getting married right now."

By that time we were driving out of town and I could glance over at her, giving her a questioning glance.

"Hey, you know that old saw about not buying a cow when you can get the cream for nothing?" she laughed at my expression.

"Yeah. What has that got to do with you?"

"It works the other way too," she snorted and then broke into laughter. "Why get tied to an old bull when there are so many young bulls around with no rings in their noses or on their fingers and no strings attached?"

I broke into laughter at that.

"Well, it's true," she giggled. "Since I'm on the pill and carry along condoms for guys that I don't know are completely free of disease, I'm enjoying being single. I find a good romp in bed clears the cobwebs from my brain better than anything else."

"Well, I guess that's okay, but I think I'd miss the hugs and cuddles as well as the camaraderie of a regular partner," I sighed.

"Yeah, a cuddle after good sex is great and I like waking up besides someone special," she admitted, then suddenly she turned toward me and smiled. "Now I know why the girls all like you. You're comfortable even though we're talking about sex, so I know you're open minded and don't condemn people easily."

"I wouldn't go that far," I snorted, then I told her about Sid Parker and Raymond Smithies, explaining what had happened and how I felt about them.

As we discussed that situation, she tried to lead our conversation to my relationship with Carissa, then Sandy and finally Jackie. I did answer some things, but left out a lot and of course that didn't satisfy her, so she pressed for more. By the time we were back to the ranch, and I stopped at the lookout point at the top of the hill above the cabin, I was slightly annoyed at her for pressing me. I wanted a break. Hopping out of the car, I pointed down at the cabin and the barn.

"There it is. That's Mile High Ranch."

"That's all of it?" she asked, appearing to be disappointed. "I thought it was a lot bigger."

"Well, there aren't a lot of buildings, but the ranch itself is quite large. If you look up the valley to the right, that lake set back against the cliff is the start of the land and remember, it includes the whole valley from one side to the other. Then if you look to the left, all the low land and the slopes of the cliffs that you see are part of the ranch as well. There's a lot more land in the lease, but the valley floor drops away on the left at what we see as the horizon," I said patiently. "Standing here, we can't see that portion though. Uncle Tom, Dad and the rest of our family runs that section of the lease."

"Oh, then the ranch is huge!" she sounded almost surprised as her eyes wandered over the scene. "And Uncle Toby just gave it to you?"

"No, not really," I shook my head in disbelief at her misunderstanding. "Right now he's made me responsible for it, but if he wanted to change his will tomorrow, he could leave it to someone else. I happen to love it up here, so I'm going to do my best to make sure he doesn't change his will, but if I inherit or not, I'm planning to enjoy the place while I can."

"How far are we from your parents' house?"

"It'd be about fourteen or fifteen miles as the crow flies from here and about nineteen if we go by road."

"And how far away is the town?"

"That's about thirty miles away."

"And your closest neighbour?"

"Umm, the closest would be Jason Dumfries, but the fastest place to get to would be Uncle Tom's. Why?"

"I was just thinking about how far we are from anyone else," Lucille shivered. "I think the isolation would bother me."

"Oh, you'd get used to it," I shrugged. "Come on. Let's get back in the car. I want to get home."

I was pulling up to the cabin when it struck me that I had nothing in the way of clothing that would fit her and she was dressed in nice clothes. When I mentioned it, she just smiled and got out of the car. Then I was astonished when she walked to the back of my car, opened the trunk, and took out a suitcase.

"Hey! Where did you get a copy of my keys?" I wanted to know.

"Aunt Liz," she answered shortly as she dropped the keys back into her purse. "She loaned me the keys that you'd given her. That's when she told me she thought you needed company for a few days."

"Mom said that?"

"Unh huh, she did and after talking to you on the drive out here, I agree. You need to unload your worries on someone," Lucille paused before lifting her suitcase out of the trunk and smiled. "So, am I welcome to stick around for a few days, or not?"

"Suit yourself for tonight, but in the morning you're going back to town," I shrugged and walked toward the cabin.

"Chris, are you angry?"

"Shouldn't I be?" I snapped. "You might not know it, but Mom knows that I hate to have people make stupid decisions about things that concern me. I'm annoyed with Mom for deciding what I need. Dammit, I've lived here all summer and I've made more money running this place for two months than Grampa Bender usually makes in a whole year. Hell, Mom even signed a piece of paper that says I'm legally an adult and Grampa Bender has enough faith in me that he wants me to take over his ranch, but she still treats me as if I'm a little kid."

"Oh," Lucille sounded apologetic. "I really thought that I could help you."

"You probably can. In fact, just talking to you on the way out here has helped a lot, but I don't like to be pushed. Getting pushed like that shoves me right back into the mood I was in before and I'll tell you right now there are things you want to talk about that are none of your damn business. When you push like you were doing before it does more damage than good, and besides that, it pisses me off!" I snapped, then turned away from her and went inside to change into work clothes.

When I came back outside, she was sitting on the front porch step.

"What do I do now?" she asked quietly.

"I don't give a tinker's dam," I snapped. "I'm going to do my chores, then you can make up your mind. You have three choices: I'll drive you down to the farm, or I'll drive you back to town, or you can spend the night. But, you're not staying here for the whole weekend, and I can tell you right now that this is a bad time to even ask me to consider that idea. Next time you decide you want to impose on my hospitality or snoop around in my mind, ask me first."

"But I did ask you, when we were walking at the hospital," she protested.

"No, you asked if you could spend the night. You didn't ask if you could move in and stay for longer than that," I growled, getting even angrier. "I went through that with Carissa, then again with Sandy and even Jackie. I refuse to go through anything similar to that again, not with anyone. From now on anyone staying here will do it if and when I invite them, and only then. This is not a branch of the SPCA where you can drop off strays at any hour of the day or night."

She just stared at me as if I was a complete stranger. I knew I'd shocked her, but it was intentional. I simply wasn't someone's project and what Mom had done really annoyed me.

"Now, I'm going to go do my chores. I told you I'd show you around, so if you want to come along and watch, you're welcome to tag along."

"Unh, I'd like to, but should I change my clothes? I don't want to get these all dirty," Lucille whispered.

"Yeah, you can. In fact, I'll call Mom to let her know I'm annoyed with her while you're changing. Like I said, you can spend the night, but by tomorrow night you'd better have found somewhere else to stay."

I went back inside while she went to the car to get her clothes. Mom answered the phone on the first ring.

"Mother, don't ever dump someone on me again, not without asking first! I'll be dropping Lucille off either tonight or in the morning," I growled, then hung up the phone before she could say anything.

Lucille was coming inside as I went back out and the phone rang right then.

"That'll be Mom," I said shortly. "I don't feel much like speaking to her right now, so unless you want to hear the phone ring all night, you'd better talk to her. If I spoke to her, I'd probably say something hurtful, and I don't want to do that. When you get changed, I'll be down at the barn."

"You can't do that to your mother," Lucille looked at me like I was a monster.

"Yes, I can," I said flatly. "This morning, Grampa Bender insisted that I have control of this ranch and amongst other family members, my mother signed a piece of paper declaring me to be responsible enough to be considered an adult. Now she's insulted me by treating me as if I were a child who should go along with her decisions and one of her more stupid decisions was having you ask about my personal life. I would have been willing to speak to her about my problems, but really, you're barely an acquaintance, so I don't have any faith in your judgement."

"But we're cousins, don't you trust me?"

"I know we're related, but it's not a close relationship in any way. I haven't known you long enough for you to become a trusted friend. You aren't a lawyer or a psychiatrist, so even if I paid you, you'd still be free to tell others anything I said. So I'm afraid the answer is no, I don't fully trust you. Up until the time that I found out you were trying to snoop into my business and that you were doing it with Mom's connivance, I was growing to like you. However, since that time I've seen a side of you that I don't like at all. You push too hard," I sighed deeply then. "Now, are you going to answer the phone?"

She just stood there staring at me, then moving almost in slow motion, she picked up the receiver. I just walked out the door. I really didn't want to hear what she said to Mom.

She remained inside the cabin for several minutes, but she did come down to see the animals as I cared for them. We didn't talk much though. I was still angry and judging from the redness around her eyes, I thought she'd been crying. The chores were done and we were walking back toward the house with the three dogs running around our feet, knowing they were about to be fed, when she reached out and grasped my hand.

"Chris, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't think that you'd be offended. That's the last thing I wanted to do."

"Let me feed the dogs. Then I'll make something to eat. We can talk afterward while we're having a cup of coffee," I answered almost as quietly. "I'm still annoyed and I want to calm down even more, but I need time to do that. It's taking me longer than normal because I've had just too damn much going on this week. I feel like I've been used for a birdie in a badminton game. Whenever I'd straighten up to fly right, something else would hit me and I'd have to go off in a different direction."

I fed the dogs, but she insisted on making something to eat. Considering the fact that she was in a strange kitchen, and using a strange stove, she made a very good omelette. Afterward, I insisted on making the coffee though. When we went out on the front porch to have our coffee, I suggested we put on a coat because it got cool in the evenings.

At first we just sat there, then I went back in my memory and told her the highlights of my summer, explaining that every day had seemed more complex than the day before. Even then I had to be careful of what I said in order to edit out the topics and situations that were extremely personal, either to me or to others. At the same time I tried to make her understand that I liked to think out my response to every problem. I tried to make it plain to her that in the last week I'd had no chance to think, instead I'd had to react almost instantaneously to each situation as it had arisen.

I simply wasn't used to making decisions so quickly and I knew that part of my stress was caused by the fact that I didn't get any time to consider the repercussions of my actions. Often, someone else was forcing me into making essential decisions and it wasn't until later that I realized some of my own decisions hadn't been well planned. That had been quite an eye opener for me. On top of that I wasn't over the shock of hearing about the girls' accident and the can of worms that opened. Of course that was topped by the horror of realizing that the McAdams had died while trying to stop me from influencing their daughters.

"But, you can't feel guilty about the older McAdam's death!" she protested.

"Oh yes I can," I sighed. "Maybe you don't think I should feel guilty about it, but I do."

"But, what they were doing was so wrong," her hand reached out and grabbed mine, squeezing it tightly. "You had to try to stop them."

"In our eyes it was wrong, but what right do I have to make decisions for other people about their children? No one made me both judge and juror for the way others act. What I did was legally wrong."

"Legally, maybe, but morally, I think you took the high ground. If it had been me, I'd have done the same thing. In fact, I did!" she spoke vehemently. "If that's really what was bothering you, there isn't much I can do to help, because I can't see it from that perspective."

"Then I guess you're no damn help at all," I snorted. "On top of that though, I'm still reeling from everything else. One of the reasons I don't want you here this weekend is the fact that I want to take a calm look at all of the things that have happened and organise them into some sensible arrangement. Unfortunately for you, I do my best thinking when I'm alone and having you here is upsetting my thought process."

"All I need to do is call her and your mom said someone would come get me."

"No, I said you can spend the night," I managed a weak smile. "It's going to be dark soon and the sky is clear. You'll be able to really see the stars for once in your life."

"Oh come off it. I've seen the stars before," her voice was mocking.

"I'll bet you haven't seen them from a mile above sea level and thirty miles from the nearest town," I grinned.

"Oh, is it all that different?"

I just nodded and we waited patiently. As it grew darker, she was as astonished with the number of stars as I expected her to be. In fact, when I grew tired and cold enough that I wanted to go to bed, she wanted to stay there and watch some more. Since she had the dogs for company and I knew the moon would soon rise, wiping out most of the stars with its light, I went inside. Before going to bed myself, I checked that there was clean bedding on the roll-away bed.

I was sound asleep when she came tearing into the room and dove onto the bed, grabbing me and screaming about wolves right outside the cabin. Of course they weren't close. They were up on the cliffs, howling at the moon, but nothing I could say or do seemed to calm her. Finally I had to let her sleep with me to calm her down at all, but first I insisted on putting on my shorts. Since she was already wearing a nightgown, I felt we'd be okay.

As far as sex was concerned, nothing happened. We slept together and even cuddled each other during the night, but that's all. However, something about our relationship changed because of that. When I got out of bed in the morning, she arose too, then while I did my morning chores, she went along with me. Suddenly she seemed interested in everything about the ranch and was willing to help out in any way she could. I felt deja-vu; it was almost as if I had another Jackie on my hands.

The rest of the morning, until we arrived back in town at the hospital, I felt uneasy about being with Lucille. The strange thing was that she was treating me far differently as well. It was as if we'd backed off from each other in some ways, yet grown much closer in others. That feeling of being closer stayed with both of us, but as we drove to town, it was exceptionally strong.

Of course I may remember it that way because that morning was the last time for several months that I had the time to feel introspective. Suddenly every moment of my life seemed to be packed full and overflowing with happenings.

As an example, that morning, while I was in town, I visited both Sandy and Grampa Bender at the hospital. Then I went to see a local tractor dealer who also sold snowmobiles and bought a brand new machine. Hearing the wolves howling on the cliffs the night before had reminded me that winter was coming. Just after buying the snowmobile I saw Dad's pickup truck drive by and flagged him down, hoping that he'd deliver my new purchase to the ranch for me. He was willing, but thought I should consider buying myself a pickup truck and I had to agree with him.

Then he changed the subject to my disagreement with Lucille and Mom. I didn't want to talk about it in the middle of the street, so I hopped into his truck, then explained my feelings. However it seemed that Mom was extremely upset and blamed herself now. Somehow she felt that she was losing me as a son, but at the same time she felt that I needed help. So I spent the next while explaining to Dad that I was feeling guilty about the McAdams' death. Of course he argued with me, but that didn't make me feel a darn bit better. He gave up finally and suggested that it might be a good thing if Mom and I had a talk. I agreed, so he was going to bring her up to the ranch sometime that weekend, but from that moment on, I felt a change in the way Dad treated me.

At that point we split up, Dad going one way and I went another. I dropped around the RCMP office and talked to Constable Davis about the McAdams, admitting to him that I felt guilty about what had happened. He didn't argue with me at all. Instead, he took me to see the McAdams' next door neighbour, Mrs. Adelaide Johansson, the local gossip and the epitome of nosy neighbours. She'd overheard a discussion between Sam and Ann McAdam on the morning that they'd died. It seemed that Sam had thrown the rifle in the back of his car while swearing that he was going to 'shoot that fucking kid if he gets in the way' just before they raced off in the car.

All I could do was stare at her in astonishment. I couldn't believe that Sam felt that he could get away with something like that, but I hadn't realized that he'd felt that much animosity toward me either. After talking to her, Constable Davis took me for a short drive and he explained that Sam had been in difficulty before because of his temper. He wouldn't go into it to any length, but he did make me admit that I'd noticed Sam's mood swings. Then he asked me outright if I hadn't noticed that Sandy and the twins were somewhat submissive. When I thought about that, I realized he was right there as well, but I also felt that they were improving. He laughed at that, telling me that he felt it was our family's influence, which was also the reason Sam was so angry. I was astounded at that and had to admit the possibility that Sam resented not just me, but our whole family. I was feeling somewhat better, but very sober and extremely thoughtful when he dropped me off at my car.

Trying to get out of that sombre mood, I stopped in to see Frank Dolens and asked him to keep an eye out for a decent used pickup truck. I didn't want a beater, but I didn't want to pay a huge amount for a used pickup either. All I wanted was a dependable vehicle to haul small loads, but after some thought I added that I'd like the pickup to have four-wheel drive for the winter roads. He didn't have anything I liked on the lot at the moment, but he said he'd keep his eyes open for one and would call me if he found anything he felt was suitable.

I was just leaving Frank's office when Charlie Engels happened to drop in to get gas at the service station and I remembered that Dad had said he was looking for backhoe work. When I talked to him, I found that he had talked to Dad and was planning to call me, but wondered if he should call Big Ed Yarowski first. Since Big Ed was the local expert on septic tanks and sewer systems, I thought having him along would be a great idea. Charlie said he'd call Big Ed and if he could, would bring him along when he came to see me, then suggested they do it that afternoon. I agreed and told him that I'd be at the ranch waiting for them.

After leaving Charlie, I rushed to the store, picked up some groceries and went home to make some lunch. I'd hardly finished eating when Big Ed Yarowski drove into the yard. His daughter, Debbie, had come along with him, so while Big Ed and I were discussing where it would be best to set up the septic tank and drainage field, she tagged along with us.

Because I hadn't spoken to her since our date for the prom, I was uncomfortable with Debbie being there because I didn't know what to say to her. It was only after Big Ed pulled a surveyor's transit, tripod and a surveyor's rod out of the back of his pickup that I realized Big Ed had brought her along to hold the level staff for him. The two of them knew exactly what they were doing and in less than an hour they'd set out a series of stakes that Charlie Engels could follow to trench in the whole system. They were just packing up to go when both Charlie Engels and my Dad drove down the hill in their pickup trucks.

That was great for me. Big Ed could explain what was needed to Charlie and Dad could point out where things like the water pipe that supplied the cabin ran. Once the Yarowskis had left, Dad and Charlie walked around discussing the trenching and I was able to tell Charlie about the proposed extension on the cabin. Since I wanted to increase the present footprint of the cabin, I wanted Charlie to excavate for the basement and footings while he was on the site with the backhoe. Charlie thought that was a great idea. He said he could have the backhoe there in a week's time and that he'd coordinate his work with Big Ed, so we shook on the deal.

Not long after Charlie had left, Dad and I were sitting on the porch having a coffee when the phone rang. It was Uncle Tom and he'd spoken to Jason Dumfries. He'd recommended a man from Innisfail who could not only do the building, but could supply a crew of men to do the job. Perhaps even more importantly, he was able to bring in the cured timber we'd need.

When I told him that sounded great, Uncle Tom had laughed and said that the guy knew me and was giving me a special deal on price as well as putting the job on a rush basis. I questioned that and he told me that it was Clarence Walker, one of the guys I raced against with Car 54. Even I found that to be a strange coincidence, but I suddenly had a lot more confidence in Jason Dumfries' recommendation. After all, I'd seen Clarence drive and I'd seen the way his car was cared for. I knew that he was just as careful on the track than I was, so I felt he'd do a great job of building the addition. I wasn't surprised to hear that he wasn't willing to come down to look at the job on Sunday, but was agreeably surprised to find that he'd be there on Tuesday afternoon.

After I'd gotten off the phone then returned to the front porch and told Dad that, he frowned deeply.

"Do you have a plan for this extension in mind?" he asked and gestured toward the cabin. "Do you even have any idea how you're going to tie the new section into the old one?"

"Actually I do have an idea of what I want to do," I was able to smile confidently. "I want to make the new section about half again as wide as the old one, but I want to put on a second floor as well. I have to talk to Clarence before I do any real plans though. That's because I want to have the two sections tie together and I'm unsure how that can be done. Once I know how the tie-in is going to be accomplished, I can lay out the stakes for the trenches we'll need for foundations and work out a real floor plan."

"I should have known that you'd be thinking ahead," he nodded and smiled at me. "Now talking about thinking ahead, when do you want to have a talk with your mother?"

"Anytime, Dad. I've calmed down and I'll apologise to her."

"Oh, I think she wants to apologise to you even more than you want to apologise to her," he chuckled rather sardonically. "You have to realize that I agree with you. In my books, she was shoving her nose into your business and although she meant well, she's the one that screwed up."

"You didn't tell her that did you, not after what I said to her?"

"Yeah, I probably should have kept quiet, but I screwed up and told her my honest opinion, which wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear," he sighed deeply, then drained his coffee cup and stood to leave. "Yesterday afternoon and evening we all seem to have made a mistake or two. Anyway, I'll probably see you tomorrow sometime."

And with that, Dad walked over to his truck and left.

I spent the rest of the afternoon measuring the cabin and then drawing sketches of my ideas for the new extension, but I didn't make any permanent decisions. By chore time I had three different concepts down on paper, but was still no closer to a decision. I'd also made up my mind that I didn't want to cook that night, so I did the chores, then headed to town. I had something to eat at the restaurant, then drove to the hospital, hoping to see both Grampa Bender and Sandy. I was planning to tell them both my ideas and show them my sketches to get their input.

Grampa Bender had already dozed off for the night when I arrived, so I didn't disturb him, but Sandy was certainly glad to see me. She looked much better than she had the afternoon before or even that morning. In fact she was out of bed and sitting in a chair when I arrived. Part of the reason she was happy was that the doctor had checked her over and had decided that she didn't need to be in a wheelchair any longer. Now she could walk around freely. Doctor McGraths had warned her that she wasn't to strain her right leg though, because she had seven stitches in that wound and she could tear them loose. While I was talking to her, I noticed that the bruises I could see were starting to get that greenish yellow colour that develops after a few days, but I knew that was part of the healing process.

When I asked about Lucille, she admitted that she hadn't seen her since that afternoon. In fact Sandy thought Lucille had said she was heading out to see me. That worried me a bit because she hadn't shown up at the ranch and I wondered if she might have taken a wrong turn. Then I remembered she didn't come from Calgary with her car and she'd have had a hard time hiring anyone to drive her out to the ranch, so I put it out of my mind.

Instead of letting Sandy wonder about where Lucille could be, I pulled out the sketches I'd made for the addition to the cabin. We spent almost an hour going over them and talking about what I wanted to do. Then a nurse came in and chased me out, telling me that visiting hours were over and that Sandy needed her rest.

As I drove home, I kept an eye open, wondering if Lucille might have borrowed or rented a car from someone and had trouble along the way, but I didn't see any sign of any strange vehicles. However as I crested the grade above the ranch, I saw that the yard-light was on, there was a pickup truck parked near the cabin and someone was sitting on the porch. As I drove up the grade from the bridge and into the front yard, I saw that the pickup had dealer plates.

"Aha!" I thought. "Frank found a pickup and brought it out for me to look at."

Once I was able to see the front porch clearly though, I saw that it wasn't Frank sitting there, waiting for me to get home.

Instead, it was Lucille and she didn't look happy.

### Chapter 42